My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
