you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Randomize
