Cold hands, warm shart.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
