He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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