dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
