Swine flu. Run for my life!
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
