I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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