i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
whose ass print is on the piano?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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