I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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