dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
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the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
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We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
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