So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
