Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
