"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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