So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
