did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
