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Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
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