U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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