Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
