The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
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i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
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Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
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