I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
