I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize