He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
