End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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