wakey wakey hands off snakey
I am spending my child support on dildos
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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