Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
