I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
