my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
