I murdered the dance floor call the cops
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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