it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
