your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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