My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
