What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
