Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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