i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
