So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
