three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
