I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
