Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
