News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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