so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
