I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
