I got chris browned last night
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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