He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Shame is for Republicans.
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