in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
