Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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