He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
