i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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