It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
