I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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