Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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