Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
