I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
