That's intense
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
