Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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