i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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