Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
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