He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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