i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
