So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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