Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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