Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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