I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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