coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
