I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
