when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
