She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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