you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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