it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
