planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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