let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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