I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
