Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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