Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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