There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
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It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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