I'm pants shitting drunk right now
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
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