dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
