Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Someone signed my nipple.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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